Q&A – A Hint of Sexual Immorality

I received this question from someone at another church several years ago about a practice that some of their youth were engaging in.

Q:       I need some scripture or insight into explaining why I am uncomfortable with our youth ‘rooming together’– acting as a married couple except no sexual relationship.  Sleeping together in the same bed.  Am I out of touch with reality.  I do remember the power of passion when I was young and still seem to think that this level of closeness might not be ‘as safe’ as the young folks think now.   The teens and young adults as well as some of my peers think I am so stupid and that these young adults are strong enough to hold the temptation back until they marry one day.  I am willing to get off my soapbox if you believe I am overeacting.  Thank you so much.

A:       You are not out of touch with reality; this is definitely wrong.  In Ephesians 5:3 it says “But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people”.  What is going on is definitely more than a hint of immorality.  These young people are pretending to live in the vows of marriage without understanding the covenant of marriage and the commitment, sacrifice, and hard work it takes to make a marriage work.  To do this basically spits in the face of God and tells Him that His design for marriage is outdated and needs to be improved.  God also says in 1 Corinthians 6:18 to flee from sexual immorality. 

These youth are being deceived.  What they are doing in their minds is getting as close to sin as they can without crossing “the line.” In doing this, they are being deceived into thinking that they are strong enough to avoid going farther into sin.  Scripture doesn’t tell us to get as close as we can to “the line” as long as we don’t sin…scripture tells us to flee from sexual immorality and to be holy because God is holy.  Our goal should be to see how much like Jesus we can be…not to see how much we can get away with without crossing a morality standard that we create and feel comfortable with. 

One thing I learned long ago is that sin will take you farther than you want to go, and will cost you more than you were ever willing to pay.  Sin is deceptive, and if they keep seeing how close they can get to a certain line without crossing it, they will eventually go past that line and regret the decisions that they have made.  What they are doing in this circumstance is flirting with immorality and it will lead to more immorality in the future. 

My biggest suggestion is that you get your pastor involved in this situation.  It sounds to me that he needs to be aware of what is going on and should talk to the people involved in this if they will not listen to you.  I would also suggest that you recommend to these youth that they read some of the books out of the Every Man’s Battle series to understand what it means to honor God with their sexuality and to strive for lives of purity.  Please let me know if I can answer any more questions for you.

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